PRE-OP

i woke up at 4 this morning and laid in bed till we jumped in the car at 5am.  mom, dad, and i got to presbyterian hospital and headed up to the short stay unit.  and i was actually in the room that my mom was in when she had her foot surgery!  i had a fabulous nurse named olga who took great care of me before and after my surgery.  olga took my vitals and i knew i was anxious when i saw them.  my BP is usually 100/60 with a heart rate in the 50s, however my BP was 120/74 with a heart rate in the 60s.  not too abnormal, but a tiny up.

next came paperwork.  the admissions lady made me sign some documents saying that she’d give me some pamphlets to read… once she handed them to me i said “oh, i’ll totally read these!”… she laughed.

finally ralph arrived, my driver.  he had me hop on another bed, wrapped me up in warm blankets and he wheeled me down to the OR waiting room.  mom and dad followed me down stairs and into the family member waiting room.  we gave our hugs and goodbyes and ralph drove me on down the hall.  he parked me in a corner right next to another pt.

then it hit.

i curled up on the bed and started crying.  i kept thinking to myself “why am i here, i’m in the best health i’ve ever been”….. and “i hope they find something, but i also hope they don’t find something”.  finally dr. sanchez came in, with his OR scrubs on, and shook my hand and asked how i was feeling.  “i’m really nervous, but ready”… “at a girl, i’ll see you in there”.  then dr. neilson showed up!!  i was surprised!  he talked to me while they were wheeling me into my OR.  “how are you feeling, nervous?” and i told him “i want you guys to find something, but i also don’t want you to find something”.  “that’s the same way i’m feeling” he told me.  then i scooted onto the OR table and started shaking from the nerves and the cold room.  a nurse said that she was sorry it was so cold in there, but they usually get really hot.  without hesitation i told her “oh, don’t worry about me, i want you guys to be as comfortable as possible, ya’ll are what really matters here!!”  they all laughed.  then i’m pretty sure that dr. sanchez could see my nerves and so held my hand until i fell asleep.

me and my amazing support crew... just waiting for me to head to the OR

POST-OP

“i’m gunna puke!” were the first words out of my mouth. “ok dear, i’ll get you some zofran” my nurse politely told me.  “no… i’m really gunna puke!” but luckily she got that stuff in quick.  and another dose 2 minutes later.  i felt her put the blood pressure cuff on and once it finished i used all my strength to look at my vitals.  135/80 with a heart rate of 101.  damn… i guess i was really freaking out about me puking all over the place!  haha.  once my vitals were stable at 104/60 with a heart rate of 50, about 15 min later, ralph came to drive me back up stairs.  as he was unhooking me from everything he noticed my tattoo and asked for a better look at it.  he was pretty impressed!  i could see his tattoos showing past his long sleeves and so we both talked about it on the way to my room.

we got to my room and when i saw my parents i asked them right away if dr. sanchez found anything… “no, everything was clear”.  my initial reaction was anger and frustration.  then i realized it’s just a 100% bittersweet situation.  if they found something today, it wasn’t gunna be good.  it would have been cancer or a serious problem that i’d have to deal with my whole life.  but… at the same time, i yet again don’t have an answer to my pain.  another good thing is that i guess everything looked top-notch in there!  oh, and my poor BFF called right when i got to my room… while i was still doped up and just found out the information and i wasn’t quite sure what to think.  i totally threw here for a loop, but hearing her voice sure helped me.

my parents asked dr. sanchez and dr. neilson what else it could be.  and they’re thinking GI, possibly a GI bacterial thing.  unfortunately i never got to talk to them at the hospital, so i’ll call dr. neilson tomorrow and pick his brain.  the more i thought about it today the more it makes sense.  cuz we never really finished with dr. lah, the GI doc.  he was more worried that it could be endomitriosis, so he stopped his treatments to send me to an OB/GYN.

looks like i don't have a bellybutton!!

THANKS

once i got home i watched a bunch of TV, napped, and hung out with my mom, dad, and sister playing card games and watching project runway.  i also got 4 beautiful flower arrangements today, each with my favorite flower, daisies!!! so thanks mom & dad, aunt julie & uncle rick, sarah, and donald!  ya’ll know me so well!  i love fresh flowers, especially daisies!  my friend bryan also made me a mixed tape!  how cool is that?!  and soon enough i’ll start watching the first season of jersey shore that my partner at work let me borrow ha ha!  i know i have some friends going out of their way to try and see me this next week too, and i’m very greatful for that.  and i’m so thankful for all the prayers, happy thoughts, concerns, and encouragements from numerous friends and family via facebook, texting, phone calls, and letters.  i must say, i have wonderful friends and family!  thank you all.

i heart daisies!

-no food after midnight/day of

-i have to arrive at the hospital at 530 (yikes!)

-he’s guessing the surgery should be about an hour, but of course he’s not sure what he’ll find.

-i’ll only be able to have liquids that first day.

-i’ll be able to drive after 36 hours.

-NO exercise, except for walking, until he clears me in my post-op the following week.  (i think that’ll be the hardest)

i’m so scared/nervous that i held my mom’s hand most of the way home after the appt.  i’m nervous cuz he might find something…. but i’m nervous that he might not find something.  with having so many test already, and them all coming back negative, i wouldn’t be surprised if this is negative too.  but, i’m trying to think glass half full…  this is the last resort so he just has to find something!  and it’ll be nice to have a week off from work and just chill with family and friends all day!

i’m getting a new shift at work starting with the new year: mon-thurs from 1pm-10pm.  so my new goal is to workout at the gym every morning that i have work.  and then on my days off do a bike ride or yoga or something.  obviously i’ll have to take a break for my surgery, but i’ll start back up once the doc clears me!

back in college i participated in a 3 month program where i lived off of $2 a day and volunteered in a homeless food and clothing distribution center.  we also studied/read about materialism in our society and the idea of living simply.  and ever since that rough summer, these themes that are brought up throughout the novel run across my mind almost daily.

i liked how chuck was very raw and unforgiving about his point of view on the themes he covered in his novel.  and as ya’ll know i’m a huge fan of quotes… which probably comes from my up-bringing with bible class and sunday school where they love to focus on one single verse and take it out of context.  so, i guess i’m suggesting that you read the whole book and not just read my silly quotes!

“One minute was enough… a person had to work hard for it, but a minute of perfection was worth the effort.  A moment was the most you could ever expect from perfection.”

“All her life, she never saw a dead person.  There was no real sense of life because she had nothing to contrast it with.”

“A lot of young people try to impress the world and buy too many things… a lot of young people don’t know what they really want… young people, they think they want the whole world… if you don’t know what you want, you end up with a lot you don’t.”

“Nothing is static.  Even the Mona Lisa is falling apart.”

“The gyms you go to are crowded with guys trying to look like men, as if being a man means looking the way a sculptor or an art director says.”

“The liberatory who destroys my property… is fighting to save my spirit.  The teacher who clears all possessions from my path will set me free.”

“Being tired isn’t the same as being right, but most times it’s close enough.”

my outfit and my auntie that got it for me

my mom’s side of the family throws a fancy christmas party every year the weekend before christmas.  this year it was held at the peninsula hotel in beverly hills.  we had a five star meal, exchanged presents, and had some carolers sing for us!  my auntie gave me my christmas present early, which was my outfit, so that i could wear it to the party!  i loved it!

i did my own hair!

i also had my hair dresser show me how to curl my hair and style it the last time i got a trim.  so i put to practice what i learned and i loved the result!  it was a wonderful afternoon filled with family fun!

i'm still the silly me, even in a fancy dress

-it’ll be at PIH in whittier

-there will be three incisions: one in my bellybutton and one on each side of it.

-he’ll be diagnosing and most-likely also treating/getting rid of the problem in this one surgery

-most people fully recover after 4 days, but he wants me out for a full week because my job consists of a lot of lifting.

-the surgery time sounds like it can range from a couple to a few hours long.  but i’ll be able to go home that day once i’m stable.

-we played the “what if” game, and if it’s worse then he thinks, he’ll sew me back up and talk to me about it and then get the appropriate surgery help and schedule another one.

-work has been very compassionate with the whole ordeal and has graciously given me that week off from work.  when i go in on the 9th i’m gunna see if dr. sanchez would approve of me doing “light duty”…. but we’ll have to see what he says about that

yes, i’m scared.  but i’m also very excited for the possibility of being pain free and getting my life back!  if you’d like to be there on my surgery date feel free to let me know and i’ll give you all the details!  i’d love to have anyone and everyone there.  i’m a very independent person… until it comes to stuff like this.  or, you can come to my house on any of the days after and watch movies with me!  thank you all for your love and support, it looks like this will all be over soon!  i couldn’t have gotten this far without ya’ll.  i’ve wanted to give up so many times but ya’ll keep encouraging me and giving me hope!  thanks!

so after i told dr. sanchez that when he called me back, he said “ok, well it sounds like i’ll need to operate and do a laparoscopy.  your other option is depo lupron, which is an injection you’ll get once a month for 6 months.  this injection will pretty much wipe out your estrogen for 3 weeks at a time.  yes, there are many side affects, but it is safe cuz we’d only do it for 6 months.  however, the laparoscopy will be a better option because it’s not too risky of a surgery, but all surgery has it’s risks, and then we’ll finally be able to look in there and see what you really have.  and i’ll also pull some biopsys while i’m in there.  so review those two options and get an apointment with me asap and we’ll set one of those two up for you.”

wow.  that through me for a lil loop.  but i knew he’d mention surgery cuz we discussed that in our last appt.  so i have an appointment tomorrow at 10:45am to discuss everything with him.  my mommy will be there with me!  i’ll fill ya’ll in asap.

a ginormous hug would sure be nice right about now.

long story short, i felt better.  during the first week after starting hormone therapy i had almost no pain.  then the next few weeks were off and on pain, but i still had days where i had no pain at all.  i noticed that when i increased my exercise regime (in week two and continued through week 6) that’s when the pain started acting up.  there were times when i’d be doing nothing but watching tv or sleeping and still have pain, but most of it was during exercise.

dr. sanchez said that after hearing everything i had to say, it sounds like i have endometriosis.  i asked him a TON of questions about endometriosis… more than you might think, and he was kind enough to answer them all.  there’s a lot to it, so if you’re interested feel free to google it or i can explain it all over coffee/beer.  but overall, it wont kill me.  there’s two ways to get ride of it, getting pregnant or removing ovaries… and i’m not down for either of those right now.  but you can somewhat control it with hormone therapy.  so i’m gunna keep on the birth control for another 6 weeks straight and see how i feel.  if i’m even better than i am now, we’ll keep up the therapy.  if i’m the same or worse, he might operate to try and remove some of the endometriosis.  but one step at a time.  there’s a good chance that i might have pain my whole life… or until i have kids.  but the pain is a lot more manageable under this hormone therapy.  so i’m not too worried.  i can handle it!

best part about this all… is that i finally have an answer!

i’m not sure if ya’ll know this, but i eventually want to open up my own little bakery/coffee house!  now this wont be till after i fulfill my dream of being a paramedic, so in the meantime i’m building up my recipe box!  if you have any recipes that you think i should try, let me know!  or, if you wanna spend an afternoon baking with me, i’d love that too!  my BFF and i would always bake cookies together, open up a bottle of wine, and watch a movie together!  i sure miss her, and our baking adventures

my patient: do you know who Jesus is?

me: ya, sure i do.

my patient:  well i’m ready to meet him, right now!

me: uhh…. well…. i don’t think right NOW is your time (and i’m thinking just please don’t go in the back of my ambulance!!!  hold on for maybe 20 more min!!!)

my patient:  oh no dear, i’m ready, now’s the right time!

me:  nah…. you look pretty healthy to me right now, but i’m sure when your time comes it’ll be everything you’ve been waiting for. 

my patient: (she just smiles at me)  ya know… i haven’t pooped in ages!!  i can’t remember the last time i pooped!

me: (i couldn’t help but laugh and smile) well, i’ll let your nurse know that information at this new facility and i’m sure they can help you with that!

my patient: oh, that’s wonderful!  thank you!

me: no problem!